#selfie : Cultivating Your Godly Self Image

A Good Afternoon to all Parental Figures! I trust that this Thursday finds you doing well and continuing to grow and deepen your relationship with your children, no matter what age they are. Our new series, which is entitled #selfIe: Cultivating Your Godly Self Image, has been themed around instagram and the way that it functions. Just as a quick disclaimer, I do not think instagram is bad or that your children should not use it, rather it serves as a good object lesson in this case. It is up to your own family discretion whether instagram is for your kids or not.

Over the next 3 or 4 weeks we are going to be dealing with topics such as body image and how society tells us what is the "ideal", appearance: how we dress, what we wear, and who we hang out with. The goal of this series is to help teens to realize that they are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God is the only one whose approval of them truly matters.

In this first lesson, we talked about our "Profile." Everyone on instagram has one. It is designed for people to put pictures and biographical information about themselves in order to tell the world, "this is who I am." But isn't it funny how people's profiles tend to look like everyone else's? Instead of being thankful for and making the most of our own profile in life,  we spend so much time and energy trying to fit someone else's profile of who we should be. Before you talk with your teens make sure to take a few minutes and watch the lesson here and to look over the power point slides while you do here.

Thursday:
A selfie is literally an image of yourself. Begin a discussion today with your teens about their self image. On this first day, focus on the idea of profile, and how we spend energy trying to fit a cultural "ideal." What are some of the elements of the cultural "ideal?" What are some of the things that guys and girls are expected to be and do? What are some of the aspects of how we are supposed to look, dress and act? Ask your teens if they feel pressured to meet this cultural "ideal," and how they are dealing with that pressure. Ask them about their friends, and if they can think of examples of people they know who are chasing the "ideal." Tell your teens that this week you're going to help them try to work through that pressure by chasing Jesus rather than chasing an ideal. This would also be a good time to be honest with them about your own struggle to fit a cultural ideal. Talk about when you were growing up, and be honest about the fact that adults are pressured to fit a cultural ideal as well. Share with them from your heart about things that you've wrestled with.

Prayer guide: Pray for your kids that God will help them to find their value in him rather than in a cultural ideal. Pray for clarity in perspective, and that God would help them (and you) to let go of comparing yourself to others. Pray that you all would be good stewards of your "profile" instead of trying to fit someone else's.

Friday:
Go to the 20th slide of the powerpoint and begin a discussion regarding the statistics that are shown. Ask your kids if they are unhappy with something about their bodies. Ask them if they are taking measures (whether healthy or unhealthy) to change those things about their bodies that they don't like. Talk about healthy ways to steward your body well, without becoming obsessive or unhealthy in any way. Ask your kids if they feel pressured to be a certain weight, or a certain body fat or muscle percentage. Again, talk about being healthy rather than being a certain size.

Talk about the entertainment that your children listen to and watch. Talk about the effect that media can have on our self-image. Ask them if they are aware of any examples of things they have seen or heard that have affected them. For example, "I see how women look on the cover of magazines, and I want to look like them," or "Most of the people I see on reality shows are really hot, and I feel like I don't measure up..." etc. As a parent, pray about what choices your family should make regarding entertainment. Entertainment is not necessarily a bad thing. Please don't be legalistic about restrictions. Instead, train your kids how to be discerning, and how to filter out the junk on their own. If all you ever do is hide the world from them, they won't be prepared to face it when they are on their own.

Prayer Guide: As you did yesterday, pray together about self-image. Pray that God would give each of you a healthy view of yourself. Pray that God would help each of you to be good stewards of your profile. Pray that God would release you all from the pressure to look a certain way.

Saturday:
Today's discussion has the potential to be very awkward and uncomfortable, especially if you have never had it before. The 23rd slide of the powerpoint talks about eating disorders, and the percentage of people who struggle in that area. Before talking to your kids, it is vitally important that you are prayed up. Pray that God would give you the words to speak. Pray that he would help you to lovingly and compassionately broach this subject without being brash, or making matters uncomfortable. Pray that God would help your kids to be comfortable with being open and honest with you, or with a trusted advisor.

It may be useful to do some reading on the subject before bringing it up to your children. One recommended resource I would point to is a series of articles by Focus on the Family, which can be found by clicking here.

If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, or unhealthy dieting, share your story with your kids today. If you never have, do your very best to not come across as judgmental toward those who do. Tell your kids how deeply you love them, and that if they are struggling in this area, that they can be honest with you about it without fear of rebuke. Approximately 10-15% of Americans struggle with an eating disorder. And many of those that do struggle with an eating disorder never report it, so that number is likely higher. All that to say, there is at least a 10% chance that your child, male or female, has struggled at some level with unhealthy eating or exercise habits.

Have the discussion with your kids. Ask them gentle, loving questions about their eating and exercise habits. Ask them about counting calories, and strict dieting. Offer your assistance in making sure that they are fed healthy, well-prepared meals so that they can steward their bodies well. Assure them of your love for them. Today is not the day for correction or rebuke. Today is the day to let them know how much you care, and that you want to come alongside them.

Prayer guide: Your prayer at the end of the discussion will greatly depend on how the discussion went. If they admitted to struggling with an eating disorder, pray through that. If they said they don't, and you believe they are telling the truth, pray that God would continue to establish healthy habits and mindsets. If they said they don't struggle in that area, but you have reason to believe that they are not being truthful, pray that "if they ever do struggle with unhealthy habits," God would give them the courage to be honest.

Sunday: 
Go to church! Seriously. Go to church. I know it's summer time, and it's easy to slack off, and go the lake every week, but seriously. If you're in town, don't slack. Go to church. Vacation from work and school is not a reason to take vacation from the gathering of believers.

Discuss Robert's sermon together as a family. Note points of emphasis. What stuck out to you? What did you learn? What did he confirm? What did he challenge in you to reconsider?

Prayer guide: Pray that God would help you all individually and as a family apply the things that Robert taught

Monday: 
Go to the powerpoint and pull up slide 29. Take a look together at the 1950s ads! Talk to your teen about how different the cultural ideal was back then. Talk about how the cultural ideal is a stupid thing to chase because it is ever changing. As soon as person catches it, it changes again. Talk about the fact that going through history, the ideal has always been different. Rather than chasing after that ideal, chase after value in christ which never changes.

It's important to point out to them that these advertisements shouldn't be seen as a new ideal, but rather a point of comparison to demonstrate that "ideal" doesn't exist.

Prayer guide: Pray that God help your teens to see through the lies of the cultural ideal. Pray that God would give fresh perspective.

Tuesday: 
After giving a recap of what has been discussed this week, open your bibles and read James 1:22-25 together. Hopefully by now you're getting your kids accustomed to reading out loud. Look at the main points discussed in the sermon. If you need, review that part of the video together. Now talk through each main point. Talk about the difference between hearing or reading God's word vs actually applying it to your life. On this point, discuss especially what God's word says about our value and image, and discuss why we hardly ever consider and apply that.

Next talk about what happens when we look in the mirror of scripture. Rather than being concerned about our weight or clothing size, we'll be more concerned with the sins in our lives.

Talk about the freedom that God's word gives us from our insecurities, as long as we apply it to our lives.

Prayer guide: Pray that God would lead your kids to a place of having total and complete confidence in him. Pray that they would not believe the lies of culture. Pray that they would not feel pressured to define themselves by appearance, but rather to be defined by who they are in Christ. Pray that as this series continues, they will be equipped to deal with the attacks of the enemy in healthy, godly ways

Wednesday: 
TAKE YOUR KIDS TO CHURCH!! Don't let them sit around!